Category: Blog

Last day of school

The time has come when I can say that I am finally done with high school. Unfortunately the high school I was in did not take the initiative to even organise a graduation for us, despite the fact that some of us have even represented the school in so many events, and have defended the school in so many situations. Most of us have also been in this school for about 13 years now.

Some of you after reading 13 years must have been shocked. How? you ask; well in Kenya as well as the local system of education, which is offered by many schools there are also many international schools. Most international schools follow the British system of education and some others offer the American curricular. Throughout my life I have gone to schools that offer the British system of learning/ educations.  Now the thing is, within every school there is a Nursery/ Kindergarten, Primary then finally Secondary/ High school. So unlike most countries, where to transition from Nursery to primary, or to transition from Primary to high school, one has to go to an entirely different school; in Kenya it does not work like that.

To make it more easier to understand; say there is a school called Park School (this is not a real school in Kenya) – this Park school will have: Park Nursery School, Park Primary School and Park High school and most people when done with one level of education, will transition into the next level most likely in the same school. Sometimes the school will have the location for each divisions at different locations or they will be in the same compound just different building for each. The schools I went to mostly had the later.

The nursery school I went to had the first, where the buildings were in different locations. My parents did not want me to go to Primary of the same school, so I changed schools after nursery. The school I went into for Primary was more of a relatives choice, and my mum hated the school because it was not reputable at all; so after doing years 2,3 and 4, I changed schools again. The school I then went into, is the one I remained in till year 13; well excluding year 7, because I did that in a school in London. So in total I have spent eight years of my life in this school, as I was there in years 5,6,8,9,10,11,12 and 13. This school was one where all the buildings for the kindergarten, primary and high school are in the same compound but different buildings. So I think you can understand why we were angry that we did not get a graduation.

Moving on. I’m going summarize my school journey particularly, in this school where I spent eight years. When I first arrived I was quiet and shy and loved books, so I spent all my break and lunch times reading; until my mum banned me from the library so I could at least have a social life. Slowly I started talking and opening up to my class mates. And I found a my group of friends. Just when I thought I was finally comfortable, we moved to London, which meant starting the process of fitting in all over again. Yes, I did end up kind of fitting in quite quickly; which I guess was a good thing, that is until I came back.

The thing is, people in London were too mature for their age, which was a good thing to an extent, because they were independent. Unknowingly I too became too mature, so I had such a difficult time, fitting in, when I came back. To make matters worse new students had come in, and people in classes had been shuffled. This meant that I was not with the same class mates that I had in year 5 and 6. And even if I had had the chance to talk to these people, it wasn’t the same, because so much had changed in a year.

once again so began the me trying to fit in, which did not happen properly until I was in year 12; so for four years I went through an emotional turmoil, with a heightened level of anxiety and depression. Which I have kind of high-lighted in the post – Now you know.  To be honest I still have slight pangs of it, and having people tell me “You are still the same person” does not help at all, especially considering the fact that this person was once my so called closest friend. But anyways I’m glad she is barely in my life any more.

Coming back to the last day of school, it was also my birthday. I didn’t want to celebrate in a massive way so after the day finished, I went out to lunch with my two closest friends. I didn’t want to over do it, especially after I have recently realized a couple of things as seen in the post change is inevitable. 

We spent the day signing shirts and taking pictures. And then we had a little farewell ceremony where some teachers gave speeches, that was quite tearful.

During this ceremony there were two things that that I will take with me and remember for the rest of my life. 1) a teacher telling us not to lose ourselves once we go out to live our own lives and 2) Another teacher pulling me to the side and telling me to never change because I (apparently) have a good personality. She may not know it, but that did mean so so much to me.

Yes, as usual on this day there were times that I felt horrible and kind of alone, once I saw each clique having their own fun. As mentioned in Change is inevitable, I don’t fit into a particular group or clique. In school though I do have friends they all belong to different groups and cliques. My best friend and I don’t belong to any particular group, so at least we had each other :’D.

Below there are pictures of my friends and I on the last day.

No these are not the only people that I talk to or am friends with, it’s just that I got pictures with only these people :). As you may have noticed there really wasn’t a lot to say. I just want to say though, I am so glad that I am done with this chapter that is called and known as ‘High school’ not saying that I won’t miss it, because don’t get me wrong despite everything that I have been through in there; I will take away with me some amazing memories, that can never be replaced :D.

Also I was comparing the shirt that people signed after O’ levels, to the one that was signed now and the difference is honestly astounding. The amount of people that signed my shirt now was quite a lot compared to the one after O’ levels. This does show how much my social circle has grown and I’d like to think it does reflect how much I have grown as a person. Yes, though I do want to put pictures it will be a little weird considering the fact that some of the messages or write ups are a little personal. But thank you to everyone who made that day extra special with the birthday wishes, the day also reminded me that though I do have a little bit of an enmity with a couple of people, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have any nice and memorable memories with them, so shout out to those that reminded me of good scenarios in my high school life also, shout out to those that also made the day special by filling it with laughter and joy; but most importantly thank you to my two closest friends for the lunch after, the surprise cake and the amazing birthday in general.

-Sonaili

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Change is inevitable and time never stops for anyone.


Change is inevitbale and time does not stop for anyone



The title has been my motto in life for the past few weeks after so much of change has once again, just piled up on top of me. With people I was close to becoming distant, and those who were distant becoming closer.

I guess this change is teaching me that not everyone currently in my life is here to stay. It took me a while to figure this out, and that is why I went on a little break from blogging and just being online. Those of you who read the blog post that I put up before going on my short hiatus know what I was thinking. I took that post down because it was filled with spite and hatred, something which I am very against.

But if I were to summarize it, I had realised that to some people in my life I was a back up plan – what I mean by this is that people only remembered that I existed when they wanted something from me, or when they did not have anyone else. This occurred to me when ac couple of times I was forgotten or left behind by these people. It also then dawned on me that I don’t belong in any ‘squad’ ‘clique’ or ‘group’. And for some reason that really got to me. It was also at that time that I had a huge fall out with my closest friend, and I thought that I had lost the one person that was actually close to me.

During the time when I was on my hiatus, I also distanced my self from people around me for about two weeks. Which is when it dawned on me, I don’t need to belong to a ‘squad’ ‘group’ or ‘clique’ to be happy. I need to find happiness within me and that me just ‘hanging out’ with everyone and hoping around from one group to another was okay. During the two weeks, my friend and I patched up too. Also I realised that I need to stop being the one to always keep in touch or talk to people, because if people really did want to be a part of my life, then they too need to make an effort. Also another thing that really did upset me during this time was when a friend, just because of me distancing myself for two weeks, kind of threw away a friendship of a couple of years. And though this person did not tell me this upfront, they did something which really opened my eyes. This thing also hurt me a lot, however I have just let bygones be bygones. And now I only talk to this person when I have to.

It is during this time that I developed this whole motto –

“Change is inevitable, and time does not stop for anyone”

And it has worked wonders. It also dawned on me that me not caring about things in the world was just a facade and a way for me to protect myself form the world. And that is not me, I do care about things going on around the world and I aspire to help the world become a better place in any way that I can.

Another situation in which this motto will help me is when I move away from home and go to university. This is going to be a huge change for me, as I am going to a place which is in many way new. However, I am not that frightened and once again it is all because of this motto.

So I really think that you guys should take into consideration following this motto. It has helped me and I strongly believe that it can help many of you as well; especially those that are afraid of change in any way. We all have to learn to embrace it because as said – It is inevitable, and if you get too stuck in a moment, time will go on without you.


 

That being said, I have decided to continue – Uninvited guest and turn it into more than a short story. And the only place where I can share it with people properly as sort of a novel is on Wattpad – so go and check it out. It is now called cruel hearts.  I am, however, in the future going to make an entire section for it, on this ‘site’ of mine and divide it into chapters; for you guys to navigate through it properly :). Also I am thinking of starting vlogging, when I go to uni :/ but do let me know whether you guys think that it is a good idea. 

Instagram: @sonailiwrites

twitter: @sonaili_

International women’s day

International women’s day

Today (8th March) is a day to celebrate women all around the world. A day to show everyone that we are as capable of doing anything we want to. The earliest Women’s Day observance was held on February 28, 1909, in New York and organized by the Socialist Party of America. On March 8, 1917, in the capital of the Russian Empire, Petrograd, a demonstration of women textile workers began, covering the whole city. This was the beginning of the Russian Revolution. Seven days later, the Emperor of Russia Nicholas II abdicated and the provisional Government granted women the right to vote. March 8 was declared a national holiday in Soviet Russia in 1917. The day was predominantly celebrated by the socialist movement and communist countries until it was adopted in 1975 by the United Nations.

In many places around the world Women are considered inferior compared to the male gender. Why? It is because society condemned us as weak and inferior. We are living in the 21st century and though we should have made a progress towards getting out of the stereotype line of -“A woman’s role is in the kitchen”; many people around the world still believe it. The sad part about this is that some women say nothing about it and they too believe that it is true.

Many people say that this is something that is prominent only among those who do not have a proper education, however this issue is present even in societies with educated individuals. I sometimes blame culture and the thoughts of the generations before us for igniting and spreading such beliefs.

Any woman out there is as capable as any man. Growing up in a culture (Indian culture) where women’s rights are not very well documented, I strongly have a feeling of dislike to those who spread these thoughts in any way.

Women should know how strong they are and how important this strength is in today’s world. We are not in any way inferior to men and we should never be told other wise.

In one of my previous posts I mentioned a lady who stated that if she had a daughter instead of a son, she would have gotten the daughter married off at a young age; without sending her for further studies because she really didn’t see what the daughter would have done with her life if she had finished her education. I really thank God that this woman has a son. However, she will pass this knowledge and thinking of hers on to her son, who will then treat women as if they were inferior to him.

Also I am thankful to those women around me, especially my mother, for always encouraging me to reach for my dreams. Despite being Indian, her family broke away from believing it can only be a son who makes the family proud. She unlike many other mothers and parents I know, has told me to build a name for myself before I think of settling down. And if I do decide to do so, to make sure that I am happy; which I love because I have seen so many women, sort of, told to get married at a young age (mid and early twenties) and this is what has been instilled into their minds, hence they do not know any other way.

I have a huge amount of respect for men and women out there who encourage young girls and other women to reach for their goals and encourage them to keep going so that they can be successful.

Today we celebrate all the successful women out there who have broken away from the barrier that women cannot be successful, and today should be reminder to women all over the world that we need to stand together in order to make progress.

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Hey everyone, this is me returning from my break. I will explain what fueled this decision in my next blog post.

This topic and day is something I feel very passionate about and hence I felt the importance to share a few words. Also to those who saw my last post (now unpublished) and were worried in any way because I did get a few responses, thank you for your concern and I am doing much better; once again I will explain this in my next post 🙂 .  

Also watch out for a poem on this topic; I really wanted to write one for today but I don’t have time.

Nature walk.

Nature walk.

Some humans think themselves to be beautiful, most humans think other humans to be beautiful; but, no human can beat the beauty of nature.

The writing above is something that I personally love. I wrote it myself and it is something I personally feel very deeply about.

The beauty of nature is something that cannot be compared to that of humans. And that is one of the several reason that I am a nature lover. On Monday I went on a nature walk with my family (my nuclear family and my first cousins from my mum’s side). We were 9 of us in total. My mum, my dad, my aunt, my three siblings, my three cousins and I.

We went to a place called Karura forest, which is located in Nairobi. Karura forest is a forest which is managed by the Kenya Forest Service in conjunction with the Friends of Karura Forest Community Forest Association. To be honest it is one of my favourite places in the world, so far. The area is peaceful, and offers much to do for nature lovers and everyone else alike. There is a small field which has been created at one of the entrances, where people come and take part in activities and host small events. There is also a small area for people to have picnics and a small cafe known as ‘River Cafe’ which boasts delicious continental food and has a calm and soothing atmosphere, because as one dines they are surrounded by the beautiful greenery of the forest.

One can also take their bikes there, or hire them from the location and ride them on the marked trail, that goes through the forest. as one goes a little deeper into the forest is a river, with a small waterfall and caves.

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The main waterfall in Karura.
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A small section of the river.

Yesterday my family and I went for a walk, had a picnic and went riding with our bikes. We reached Karura forest’s Limuru road entrance at around 11:45am since it was a bit of last minute planning. Also it is not that far from my house, actually it took us 20 minutes to get there.

The plan was to ride through the forest till the waterfall and caves, then have our picnic. However this did not go quite as planned because most of the bikes had been rented out. The fee for the bikes by the way is quite reasonable 500/= Kenyan Shillings for two hours, per bike, that is roughly about £5 or $5, obviously they accept only Kenyan shillings though :’D. So we had to wait about 2 hours to acquire bikes for my siblings, cousins and I (five in total). We ended up going for a walk instead up to the waterfall and then came back to have our picnic. Whilst walking I walked ahead of everyone. If I’m being honest, I am very lazy when it comes to doing exercise or working out, but ask me to come for a walk or hike in a place filled with nature, and I will never turn down the opportunity. I am a very very faced paced walker (when I actually bother) and I love the peace and tranquility that the surrounding nature had to offer that day.

So I just wanted to walk ahead, to be away from the talking of my siblings and cousins. The quietness gave me the opportunity to think about things to do with my future and reflect on things in my past.

We didn’t go towards the caves as they aren’t that big and I have gone there before. The caves have a little bit of a history to it and that is, the naitve Kenyans used to hide in them from the British colonisers during the colonial times (1920-1964).

Coming back to the picnic area we had sandwiches, pasta and some soda (Sprite); which all tasted delicious after the long and tiring walk. This food was prepared from home by my mum and my aunt. Despite the tiring walk before we were still very excited to go back into the forest and this time on bikes.

My cousin had given his number to the person in charge of renting out the bikes, so that he could call us when there were any that were free. So we got a call at around 2:30 and we began cycling back into the forest at 3:00; we had to be back by latest 5:10.

We went to this lake known as butterfly lake, to our disappointment though, it was dry; due to the hot suns that Kenya has been experiencing. So we went back to the waterfalls, this time more closer and deeper than we did whilst walking. There was a point we had to leave our bikes on the trail behind as it was quite down hill and steep.

We went and climbed on rocks and logs, took some pretty amazing pictures for memories.

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My sister, cousin sister and I by the waterfall.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A beautiful butterfly I saw when on the walk.
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My sister (left), cousin sister (centre left), cousin brother (centre right) and I (right), by the waterfall.

Two of my brothers’ went on the wrong trail on the way to the waterfall and found themselves at the entrance of the forest, upon which they had to turn back. Mean while we waited next to the water falls for them :’D. I on the other hand was pretty slow when going down hill in general because I have a strange fear of going downhill, walking or on bikes. But uphill I loved so much, so when returning back I was ahead of everyone. The downhill and up hill is not some thing that was prominent on the paths, in fact one only notices how the path is if on a bicycle.

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My siblings, cousins and I on the Bikes we rode.

We came back at around 5:15 and returned the bikes. Then we headed home. It was a day well spent.

Also for those wondering why we did this family outing on a Monday, it is because the Kenyan government declared it a public holiday for the new year, since new years fell on a Sunday.

If you ever do come to Nairobi Karura Forest is a must visit. And hurry because I don’t think it is going to be as big and as beautiful in the next 10 years or so, due to the deforestation and development that our Kenyan government has allowed. I mean look whats happening to the Nairobi national Park. I have expressed my anger and sadness in another post, during the time the news first broke.

-Sonaili

My 2016 (Reflecting and thanking)

My 2016 (Reflecting and thanking)

New Year, new me?

Yes, the title is a question. As 2017 draws in everyone will have New Year resolutions to change something about themselves in one way or the other, but hardly anyone of us follow these resolutions. Which begs the question; do most of us even follow these resolutions we make?

Resolutions are basically things ones wishes to improve on in some way or the other; but what if you feel like you have been at you best during this year. And that is exactly how I feel about my 2016.

2016, I believe has so far been the most amazing year that I have had in my life. I’m not saying it was perfect, it did have its up and downs but its how I came out from these ups and downs that made a difference.

So this everybody is a year in reflection.

After a pretty kind of shitty 2015, I really wasn’t expecting much from 2016 but who would have thought that it would turn out to be my best year yet.

This year has been the year where I believe I discovered myself. It was during this year that I discovered my passion for writing, it was during this year that I discovered what my aims and goals in life are.

It was also during this year where I discovered my true potential in many areas and aspects. It was during January that I discovered that I had been given a very top position within my school. Since I was about 13 years old, in year 8, when I witnessed some of the seniors being sworn into this leadership position, I envied them and knew that one day I wanted to be there too. And, I was in the same position in January. To be honest when I got the news that I had made it past the vigorous interview process, I was shocked. But most of all I was excited, scratch that, I was over the moon.

But that didn’t mean that I failed to notice the few sneers I got from a couple of my class mates, because they felt like I didn’t deserve the position and they felt like their friends should have gotten the place instead. This made me question why I got the position in the first place, until someone from the selecting panel told me that I gotten the position for a reason and that they saw something in me. This gave me a huge confidence boost.

Then came the actual part where I had to work in the a team with the others who had been appointed to this leadership position, but this was quite impossible; seeing as some of them had made it their life mission to make my life a living hell. The thought of resigning from the position had crossed my mind several times. Hell, the torment had even affected my health. But I’m not going to dwell on this too much, because it just brought negativity to my life.

I came out of this experience stronger than ever and that is thanks to my amazing friends, my writing and to an extent my family.

Speaking of friends my 2016 was mostly made because of them. It was during this year that I discovered and got rid of all the toxic people in my life, and finally opened up to a few people that did nothing but bring me up and made my life so much better. I’m not one to show my true self or reveal things about myself to people quite quickly, neither am I one to express love (any sort of love); and my two closest friends are no exception to this. Yet, they still stood by me and knew that even though I didn’t say it too much or show it, I cared deeply about them. They have made my happy when I’m down, we have laughed together and made memories together which will never be forgotten, and I would like to thank them from the very bottom of my heart for my helping with making my 2016 ten times better. So thanks for that Sanah and Arlene!!!

Being on the subject of laughing with friends, I have this one friends with whom I have a very special relationship with. When it comes to personalities ours are totally different, but we get along because we literally kind of on the same level of crazy. Also there are somethings which I like and she is the only one who can relate sometimes because both of us have a little bit of a tom boyish streak. When I’m with her not one moment is dull and you will always find us laughing. So Cynthia, thank you for all the laughs, memories and conversations. Also thanks for listen to my daily ranting about issues and problems that surround my life :’D.

This year I also rekindled with a friend that I close with when we were kids and somehow we hit of again. And she is still the same amazing person I knew when we were children. She is extremely supportive and was kind of the main person who helped my push through the time of the year when I was getting tons of hate. So thanks for that Celine.

Also special shout out to Aashni, a girl with whom I have had a weird love hate relationship right from the beginning. There was a time about 3 years back where we literally got into a physical fight, but now we’d probably be beating up someone else together. Honestly I don’t know what I’d do without her.

Paayal, someone who is far away from me (like in another country) but still someone I will always make time for. Also special thanks to Wambui, Priyanka and Ashmitha for making the past few months’ memorable ones.

I also have a few other friends with whom I am not extremely close with but I know that I can count on them and they should know that they can count on me at any time. Two of them with whom make my English lessons and kind of gave me the motivation to actually start writing. One of the two is part of the small group that really helped me, when I was having a difficult time with the hate. There is also someone else who really helped me and I hope I was there for her enough when she needed to be brought up a little. You guys may think you play a small part in my life, but you have played huge roles in helping to make this year amazing. So thanks guys.

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2016 is also the year in which I shared my writing with the world and its all thanks to the encouragement form the people above.

I was also a free lance Journalist for my internship and the feeling of having my own byline in a news paper was thrilling.

The main downer during this whole year was the fact that I didn’t do as well as I expected in my AS level. However the good thing about this is that I am now pursuing my dream career (Journalism) instead of law. So I’m choosing to look at the positive side of things.

Another kind of high light is that I went back to the UK, however only for a holiday and to have a look at a few universities. If you follow me on Instagram you’ll know why this was kind of a highlight.

 

Something I have realised is that my anxiety is always going to be there, unfortunately. And for some reason it has been resurfacing quite a lot these past two -three months.

My relationship with my family (like any normal family) has had its ups and downs but I love them regardless. And mess with any of my close family members, and you will have me to face. (trust me I can cause a lot of emotional damage to you) :’D

This year I am proud of the desire that I have developed to help in society in any way that I can. That means helping the environment, wildlife and people in any way that I can (mostly the first two though). I believe that me being part of a NGO called Stand Up Shout Out (SUSO) may just be the first step to me making a huge difference.

Another major lesson that I learnt during this year is that people will talk about you (me) whether I’m doing good or bad and that I am always going to have those handful of people that hate me. However, I have become immune to hate because if there is one thing that I have learnt its that they do not know the real me. They base their hate on assumptions, like for example a few of my haters think that I am a spoilt brat, which I know for a fact I am far from. So whatever the haters say, it does get to me a little however I choose not to dwell on it too much.

So 2016 thanks for being a year of many firsts, laughs, smiles, inspiration and hope. I feel like I have grown as a person quite a lot this year.

Also since I’m coming out with my blog, sorry (kind of) to anyone that I may have offended through this post. But hey, I haven’t mentioned names and this is a blog after all.

One thing I know is that 2017 is going to be a year full of change, because I am moving away from home. However, I am kind of opening up to change slowly and learning to embrace it. Hopefully it the experience turn out to be good.

So good bye 2016 and I hope 2017 is going to just as good as you were.

-Sonaili

 

Santa for a day, It was amazing!!

Santa for a day, It was amazing!!

I think we all know that Santa Claus is far from real. Santa Claus is a fictional character who is believed to bring gifts for children. Young children all over the world believe in the existence of Santa Claus, wishing and hoping for the presents he shall bring for them under the Christmas tree. In reality it is their Parents that play the role of Santa, buying goodies that the children want.

But what about the children who don’t have parents, or the children that are under privileged? Who is their Santa Claus? Forget even Santa Claus, who makes their Christmas special by gifting them a little something from the heart. Well, the answer is you! You can be their Santa Claus. You can be the person to bring them joy and happiness during this time of the year. And that is exactly what some senior students within my school decided to do on the 19th of December.

The place we went to is called Homeless of Nairobi and is basically a very small organization that we want to help grow. This organization picks up street children and gives them hope for a brighter future. We bought a couple of gifts such as bubbles, puzzles, footballs and loom bands, the gifts were given according to the ages of the children. The gift were in fact bought with some funds we had collected from the students within  our school. We also requested the students to bring dry food items such as: flour, rice, sugar e.t.c, which the students brought with great enthusiasm. We donated this too.

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Sometimes we really take for granted the things that we are given in our day to day life. This includes things such as our homes, education, water, family, friends and other items that we disregard because we use them often and daily.

During our visit the children performed a small skit for us in Swahili. Through the skit they told us about the difficulties that they faced when they lived on the streets. The thing that caught my attention the most was how everyone used to treat them. The police called them a nuisance, the city council called them thieves and the general public just wanted to get rid of them by any means possible; whilst all they were trying to do was to acquire some sort of food to keep them alive and going.

Some of the children had been abandoned by their parent/s whilst others were sent out by their families to beg. The children included kids as young as the age of 3.  Whose hopes, dreams and aspirations were put on hold because of the state of the life they led. However, thanks to the organization these dreams will hopefully someday become a reality.

All the children want to someday be part of a profession that they felt suits them; I even met a boy by the name of Josphat who wants to be a journalist someday. And, because of this I had a really good conversation with him. He could also rap and he wrote and recited stories to the rest of the children. He recited one for me too 🙂  (I will post it in the short story section).

The other children wanted to be doctors, teachers, nurses’ etc.; in fact they had a wall where they put up all their ambitions and dreams, which they were striving to achieve.

The fact that I could be part of somehow continuing to give them that hope that they need to carry on, made my heart swell will happiness. Seeing the smiles and joy that we brought to the children made me so happy. When thanking us one of them told us – “Everyone forgets us, not only during this time of the year” and they continued by saying how they were glad that we hadn’t forgotten them. This made me get too emotional and I had tears in my eyes that threatened to spill.

This visit was eye opening and I felt so content at the end of the day. And that is why dear reader I urge you all to do something similar next Christmas. Give to the less fortunate in any way that you can. I promise you will not regret it at all, in fact you will come out of the experience a better person.

So next year guys, be a Santa!

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credits for most photos: My friend called Wambui.

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I know I haven’t posted in a while but like I said this is my final year of high school and its too hectic. But, I felt this post was very important and just had to be shared.

-Sonaili

Now you know.

You never know what.png

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Anxiety, depression, bullying and many other things I have been through it. That is why I kept my blog a secret because it was a way for me to rant about what is going on around me. But people around me who don’t know about it, are suspecting that I have one.

So this is a post aimed at those who know me personally and come across it somehow, be it now or in the future. I believe that my blog is doing quite well with the amount of views that I get worldwide and so no I’m not going to stop posting on it or delete it.

This blog was my safe place, somewhere where I could rant and express myself through my writing without getting judged. Somewhere that I share my thoughts and views without calling it ‘gossiping.’ Of course my closest friends know about it and they have supported me every step of the way.

So let me get to the point. If you know me personally but, did not know about my blog and know about it now, well and good. If you get offended by anything that I have said, I am not sorry and I am never going to be. Why? because I have not mentioned any names. I know people are going to hate me after reading this post and a few others that I have posted. But I have honestly become immune to the hate. I was just 13 0r 14 when I had people laughing at me because ‘I had no friends’ or because ‘I was fat’ or ‘cross eyed’ – apparently, and yes those are things that have all been said to me. Those are just the few things that have been said to me.

Imagine having so many insecurities due to these statements amongst many others, and to top it off there are situations that have happened that haunt me till to date. For example, a while back when I was what I  call ‘At my worst’ a guy told me something that still echos in my mind every time I’m feeling anxious or bad about my self – “And that’s why no one likes you.” Mind you he said this over something so petty, till to date I have a strong disliking for this person. At the time I was fully aware that his statement was true, I mean I even knew that my ‘best friend’ at that time used to back talk me. But having someone say it out loud felt like someone hit out directly in my gut.

Before that that there was a time I was so alone, I used to secretly eat my lunch in the library by myself. Whilst everyone I knew was probably in the canteen or in the field having an amazing time. During this time I had someone trip me in the corridor then laugh at me because I cried, not knowing that those tears had been threatening to fall for a while and they only needed a trigger. These are just a few of those incidents that have caused me to build a massive and thick wall around me. If I were to write about all of them I would end up writing a book.

Today I stand tall (metaphorically, because I’m quite short) and happy. Some may call me secretive because my circle of friends is small, but I like it that way. I’m bubbly and talkative and I’m my usual caring self. Writing about and sharing these experiences took me a lot of courage and strength. I’m not going to apologize for anything that I have written because I want to share my experience and tell people that don’t give up because there are better things to come. I want to warn people to be careful about what they say because they might know what the other person is going through.

Officially I haven’t told most people that I know personally, about my blog and I am not going to anytime soon. If they find out about it, I’ll go with the flow. I have decided that I’ll establish my blog after I’m done with high school because that will be like a new beginning for me. There are so many people around me that I don’t consider important to me, personally, and so I didn’t feel like they should be knowing about this but if they find out so be it.

I didn’t write this so that I have people pitying me. I wrote it to show my readers and followers how far I’ve come as an individual. I love who I am now and I wouldn’t change me for anything. I hope my story can inspire people who may be going through the same thing. And if there is something that I have realised its that people are going to hate and talk even if its over something petty like laughing over you travelling in economy on a plane – yes, someone I know actually did that; not to me but to a friend :’D.

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Not my image.

-Sonaili